“My Jade Remembrance” (reprise)

On By Mike U.In Poetry

(originally posted 10/5/2021)

“My Jade Remembrance”
(c) 2019 by Michael L. Utley

I used to know you
9,000 tears ago
A tear for every mile
That kept me from you
A tear for every moment
Not spent with you
A tear for every hope
Not shared with you
9,000 tears

A jade remembrance
For my brown-eyed love
A dusky green heart
On a silver chain
I keep in my pocket
It was for you
Everything was for you
Everything I had
Everything gone except
My jade remembrance

You were already dead
Before I ever met you
Your path etched in stone
I was just a detour
A distraction on your way
Into darkness
A temporary reprieve
An unplanned respite
For the lost girl
The girl who would learn to fly
Or die trying

And I was the lost boy
The boy who had
Never seen the sun
Until I saw you
The boy whose shattered heart
Had one last beat for you
A final crescendo for my
Brown-eyed love

I couldn’t fix you
You weren’t broken
You were destroyed
Crushed by the weight of
Damnation
Hounded by demons
Unknown to me
Yet you smiled at me
And pulled me from
My own abyss
And I loved you

My jade remembrance
Are you still there
Did you close your eyes
And take that leap of faith
Did you learn to fly
Or did you die trying
You didn’t just take your life
You took mine too

I keep your heart in my pocket
On a silver chain

48 thoughts on ““My Jade Remembrance” (reprise)”

    1. Thank you, Melissa. This poem is based on a relationship I had many years ago. The girl’s fate is unknown to me. She was dealing with a lot of things and she would talk about ending her life now and then, which was terrifying. As hard as I tried, there was nothing I could do to help her, and she refused to seek help for her problems. When the relationship ended, there really wasn’t any closure for me, but rather fear of what she may have decided to do. It’s been years now and I still think about her, hoping she finally found peace with herself and is happy now. This poem represents the pain of not knowing, and fearing the worst. I hope she’s okay.

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  2. Oh man.. I know a few lovely souls like this one. Fell in love with one of em.try as I might, there was no helping. This poem brought back so many deeply buried memories. Like you there was no closure. This is touching. Pinching a nerve. Sad but good poetry Mikey. 💜😔

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    1. Thanks, man. I learned the hard way that, despite my best intentions and all the love in the world, I can’t help people if they don’t want help. I suppose it’s part of attaining wisdom as we grow older, realizing our limitations and setting boundaries to protect ourselves. In my youth, I wanted to be that knight in shining armor, swooping in to rescue those distressed damsels, then riding off into that glorious sunset together. Heh. Yeah, only in the movies… But this girl was different, and she deserved some peace of mind and happiness that I wasn’t able to give her and it shattered me. The lack of proper closure leaves a lifetime of open wounds and lingering, sorrowful memories. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through this, too. The human condition is inescapable, I suppose.

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      1. Yeah.. it left me depleted emotionally. Don’t think I ever fully recovered. But life just moves along…
        We learn the lessons alright..and build impregnable walls. Self preservation was necessary thereaftee. 💙🙏

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  4. rajkkhoja's avatar rajkkhoja

    A jade remembrance
    For my brown-eyed love
    A dusky green heart
    On a silver chain
    I keep in my pocket
    It was for you
    Everything was for you
    Everything I had
    Everything gone except
    My jade remembrance.
    So inspiring words use in poem.

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  5. Mike,

    Your poem, “My Jade Remembrance,” deeply explores the theme of loss and love, painting a poignant picture of a relationship marked by heartache and a lingering connection. The symbolism of the jade remembrance adds a layer of complexity and beauty to the narrative, symbolizing enduring emotions and the weight of memories. Your ability to convey such intense emotions through your words is truly powerful.

    ~David

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    1. Thanks, David. This piece was a bit of a departure for me as far as writing style goes. It came out in a burst, just emotion, and is very simplistic in form. Some things last a long time (as late-indie musician Daniel Johnston once sang), and the memories of this girl are still indelibly etched in my heart and soul. Never met anyone like her before or since. The knowledge that I wasn’t able to help her still haunts me to this day, and is a recurring theme in my poetry–the futility of life, the loss of hope, the sorrow of knowing I failed or that I wasn’t good enough to reach her, the not-knowing, the lack of closure on an open wound… That just about sums up life in general, I reckon.

      Anyway, thank you for such a thoughtful comment, good sir. Your insights mean a lot to me. 🙂

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    1. Many thanks, Michele. It’s a sad story fraught with fear and regret, and I’m still working through it all these years later. Your kind support is wonderful and I value your presence here. Much appreciated, my friend. 🙂

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  7. Twisting my jade ring on my thumb, my own ancy habit as I read. Found myself delighted and invited to reflect on my own life and relationships. Your writing always seems to offer that realm of introspection. A certain emotional depth, and this imagery pops in my head and the tune of your poem is leading the daydream cast in wonder. Very touching as usual, Mike.

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    1. Thanks, Sam, for the kind words. Knowing my poetry connects with you and leads “the daydream cast in wonder” is truly humbling. I write from my heart and soul because I don’t know any other way to write. Sometimes it feels more like bleeding than writing, but it’s cathartic and incredibly satisfying. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and support. Means a lot to me. *tips cap* 🙂

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      1. There’s most definitely certainty in your credibility as a writer if it feels more like bleeding than writing. I feel the same release when I write and call it “knocking the junk out of my head” amongst other euphemisms. Like a word scrambled swimmer’s ear that pours onto a page. I love seeing others’ describe how writing makes them feel, especially someone as talented as you. I’ll be on the lookout for more pieces!! ☺️

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    1. Thank you kindly, Cindy. Yes, throughout our lives people come and go “like busboys in a restaurant” (to quote Stephen King), but a few of them linger on in our hearts and memories and end up sticking around forever, even though they’re not in our lives anymore. It’s bittersweet, and not knowing their fates is such a sorrowful mystery. I appreciate your kind thoughts, as always, and I’m so glad to see you visit, my friend. 🙂

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  10. Beautifully crafted poem, sad, but beautiful! I am always awed by the emotion of your writing. You invite us in to experience it with you, and we feel your feelings. It is especially difficult not knowing what happened. A lovely remembrance of her with the jade heart. Blessings, friend!

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    1. Kindest thanks, Peggy. I’m so glad to have you come along on these poetic excursions of mine. Damaged people have a lot of bleeding to do, I suppose, and my bleeding consists of words on paper or screen. I don’t know any other way to write other than straight from the deepest part of my soul. I appreciate your constant support, dear friend, and want you to know it means a lot to me. 🙂

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  11. Those last four lines are so sorrowful, Mike. I think those who take their own lives often take part of ours too. The mementos help, but they aren’t the same. Thanks for sharing this emotional poem. Your writing, as always, is beautiful. ❤

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    1. Many thanks, Diana. Yeah, this one is extremely raw and painful. Whenever I read it, I get a little choked up at the last four lines of the fourth stanza. It just really pierces my soul. Certain people come along and leave an indelible impression on our lives, and even when they’re not in our lives anymore, their presence is still palpable.

      Thank you for reading my poetry, dear friend. Your kind support is much appreciated. 🙂

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  13. Mike, this is so heart-wrenching. It is brilliantly written, and you can feel the piece moving through pain and suffering in the beginning stanza—raw writing, which I so love and admire to the realization. Doesn’t help us to get together with someone who is already damaged. Often, without spending genuine time with someone – long enough to learn they are damaged – you are already in love by then.

    Loved every word of this stanza:

    “And I was the lost boy
    The boy who had
    Never seen the sun
    Until I saw you
    The boy whose shattered heart
    Had one last beat for you
    A final crescendo for my
    Brown-eyed love,”

    This is a real treat! Big hugs and love, Mike

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    1. Many thanks, Joni (and please forgive the delay in responding–I’ve been a little AWOL lately). You’re absolutely right when you say, “Doesn’t help us to get together with someone who is already damaged. Often, without spending genuine time with someone – long enough to learn they are damaged – you are already in love by then.” The heart knows what it wants and it throws caution to the wind all too often. By the time I realized how bad things were with her, it was too late. My heart was no longer mine at that point, you know? I seem to have a soft spot for damaged people, and that’s because I’m damaged, too. Birds of a feather, I suppose. But man, I hope she’s okay now…

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    1. Thank you so much, Layla, and please forgive my tardiness in responding (I’ve been away from my blog for a bit and have some catching up to do). I hope 2024 is a wonderful experience for you. 🙂

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    1. Thank you for the Christmas wishes, Satyam, and please forgive me for the delay in responding. I’ve been away from my blog for a while and need to do some catching up. I hope you’re enjoying the new year! 🙂

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  18. Tranature - quiet moments in nature's avatar Tranature - quiet moments in nature

    Such a beautiful and heart-felt poem Mike. The way you addressed it to her personally is very powerful and I am sure that wherever she is now, she can feel the love flowing from your words too 💚

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