“Grandfather” published at Gobblers & Masticadores

On By Mike U.In Poetry

Hey, folks. I’d like to announce my three-part poem “Grandfather”  has gone live at Gobblers & Masticadores. Many thanks to Juan Re Crivello and Manuela Timofte and their staff for this opportunity. I’m truly grateful. Thank you, Juan and Manuela!

“Grandfather”
© 2012 by Michael L. Utley

“The twitching thing that lay upon the bed
Was not my grandfather. It wore his face
And smelled of him, old coffee and a trace
Of cigarettes. Its eyes were rimmed with red
And rheumy and they twinkled in its head
Like distant dying stars. And in that place
Deep down inside where man and mind embrace
My grandfather had lost his mind and fled…”

You can read the rest of my poem by clicking this link. Also, don’t forget to follow and subscribe to Gobblers & Masticadores, where you’ll find some wonderful writing and plenty of food for thought.

47 thoughts on ““Grandfather” published at Gobblers & Masticadores”

    2. Thanks, David. Those five seconds of silent Super 8 film are etched indelibly into my mind. This series of three 2012 poems was born out of guilt and shame on my part for being unable to visit him in the nursing home once Alzheimer’s settled in (after as series of strokes disabled him). It was all too much for my teenage self, and I struggled with it for many years until I was able to sort things out in these three poems. I’ve said it before but it bears repeating: thank goodness for poetry and the ability to self-heal through the written word. Those five seconds of my grampa will endure forever. 😊

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  4. Simply perfect. The rarity of moving image is all but lost on us now. I have some 1960s 8mm family footage transferred to VHS that I haven’t been able to watch in a decade. I guess it’s time to go digital. Wonder if the tape hasn’t rotted away.

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    1. Thanks, Jeff. Yeah, I have the same concerns regarding my old Super 8 film which has likely become brittle to the point of falling apart (it’s from the late ’70s). I never had the means of transferring it to VHS when that became an option years ago, so I fear it’s all lost now. Those five seconds of my grampa were among the most important, but I also had a lot of homemade animation (models, clay, drawings) and SFX, as well as other odds and ends that have likely been lost to antiquity at this point. And you’re right: the concept of moving pictures is lost to time now as everything is digital. There’s nothing like spending hours filming an animation sequence frame-by-frame on silent Super 8, then waiting two weeks for the lab to process the film so you can stick the roll on the editor and see the results! Good times. 😊

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    1. Many thanks for such a kind comment. It was a rough period for me as a teenager, watching my favorite grampa succumb to strokes and the indignity of Alzheimer’s Disease in his 70s. I was too terrified to visit him in the nursing home when things got really bad, and I harbored that shame and guilt for decades until I was able to write these three poems in succession back in 2012. Setting my feelings down onto the page helped me work through them and finally put them to rest. Thank goodness for poetry. And thanks for stopping by and saying hello. I appreciate you, my friend. 😊🙏

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    1. Thank you kindly, Ashley. This is a profound statement, and so true: “All life is momentary…” This adds a much-needed perspective to daily life and its fragility and impermanence. 

      I appreciate you, my friend, and your always keen insights. Thanks for stopping by to say hello. 😊

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    1. Thanks so much. While I could never figure out for sure what my grampa was saying in those five seconds of film, it’s likely he was cracking a joke as that was something he constantly did. He was a joker and a prankster and such a mischievous fellow, which made up a huge part of his personality. Always a big grin for everyone. He’s the kind of grampa everyone needs. 

      Thanks for your kindness as always. I appreciate you. 😊

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    1. Thanks so much, Jane. Yes, it was complex and I felt so much shame, guilt and fear for my cowardice as a teen for not being able to force myself to visit him in the nursing home once the strokes disabled him and he developed Alzheimer’s Disease. He ended up losing all of his essence to that horror, and I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing him in that state. I carried around that shame and guilt for many years until I was finally able to work through it in this series of three poems I wrote in 2012. It was healing, and helped me finally leave that part of my past behind and focus on the good memories I have of him. Thank goodness for poetry. And thank you for stopping by to visit, Jane. I appreciate you, my friend. 😊

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    1. Thanks, Sam. This series of three 2012 poems was my way of breaking through the massive wall of shame and guilt I had regarding my teenage inability to visit my grampa once strokes and Alzheimer’s got to him. He was the best guy ever, and I failed him, and it took decades for me to finally be able to work through it. Poetry is powerful and healing. 😊🙏

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  13. Mike I left you a long comment on Masticadores, thank you for this precious gift. I could not help but notice that your sharing your heart touched many people and some of them were able to share about the people that they missed. These pieces were not only a gift to yourself but also to others. Really enjoyed each one of your pieces so grateful that they published your tribute to your grandfather and I got to read them. (my response is on the magazine’s site) Sending you my love too my friend as always, for we are kindred spirits.

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    1. Kindest thanks, Joni. Your supportive words mean a lot to me, my friend. I’m glad to know you enjoyed this trio of poems. They were difficult to write, but I’m glad I was able to get them out of my head and into the world. I appreciate you, my dear friend. 😊

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  14. this is such an emotionally fraught piece Mikey..you took me along on a very painful journey, sprinkled with very treasured, private memories. Very delicate, and skilled writing. There was a softness go this.

    Five Seconds He is alive Rewind Five seconds He is alive Rewind…

    this was a trigger for my own sad memories. I know you promised to write this piece..and it was worth the wait Mikey. 👏👏

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    1. Thanks, Nigel. I’m sorry these poems triggered sad memories for you. I suppose sorrowful poetry is going to do that for many readers. Man, these were hard to write. I had to empty myself out to finally let go of the shame and guilt I’d harbored for so long. Even though these pieces are laden with emotion (especially the first one whose title should read “Grandfather” Part 1 but that line was omitted at Gobblers for some reason), I hope my grampa would approve of them. I miss my grampa, but I can picture him sitting on a folding chair by his favorite lake, fishing pole in hand, just enjoying the day. It’s a good image, I think. 😊🐟

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      1. Those are great memories to treasure, mate. I often think of my siblings the same way. The moments that still make me chuckle and feel their presence. Those were great poems Mikey. Great stuff as always. 🙏🙏

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    1. Thanks so much for your kind words. These three pieces were emotional for me to write, and even reading them now, years later, I can still get teary-eyed. Thank you so much for your support, my friend. I appreciate you. 😊

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    1. I’m really sorry to learn this, Dawn. I can’t imagine becoming blind. Deafness is tough enough, but blindness… I’m sorry this happened and you weren’t able to get to know him as well as you’d liked. The sad thing about grandparents is we don’t have them for very long. I still miss my grampa after all these years. 

      Thanks for sharing this, my friend. 

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