“I am the Coin that Falls Between the Cracks”

On By Mike U.In Poetry

“I am the Coin that Falls Between the Cracks”
(c) 2024 by Michael L. Utley

parts of me have died
that no one will ever know
nor will ever mourn
and why should they
I am just a remnant of myself
writ small among the vagaries of life

I am the coin that falls between the cracks
the sub-aural hum of power lines
the mote-specked silence of barn lofts
the dull glint of galaxies
as seen through rheumic eyes
I am the shadow
in the corner
of my cold
listless
mind

amid the howl of eternity
there are worlds upon worlds
fractal multiverses strewn
with thoughtless hubris
across heaven’s filthy floor
the dice of fate, kismet’s craps
as reckless gods play
with the lives of men
and alabaster-eyed
sentinels gaze blankly
distant and aloof
into the cackling abyss

once, beneath a leaden sky
a sweltering path led me
through shag-barked copses
and desiccated thickets
to an obscure clearing
and there
in midday gloaming
a spring appeared
and I knelt at water’s edge
seeking desperately
for my reflection
proof of my existence
which eluded me
upon the stagnant rancid
larval-glutted surface
I sought to see my soul
but instead espied
the foul machinations
of a craven universe
amid pond scum
and the stench of reality
and as I fled in horror
the pealing laughter
of amused gods
rent the sky

there are sink-holes in my soul
where I’ve lost myself
along the way
suffocating in tenebrosity
the detritus of shame
trailing behind me
marking my path
from tepid light
to torpid darkness
from inutile hope
to abject despair
the inconsequential
bric-a-brac of
22,000 days
fallen from the cabinets
of my heart
shattered shards
of worthless memories
my mind
a stuttering dynamo
choking on its own fumes

I
have lost
myself in
this desert of
alkali flats and
creosote bushes that
leech all moisture from my eyes
rendering tears unfeasible
seeking shelter from this thoughtless sun
and the mindlessness of my existence

take my hand
if you dare
and I shall show you
a broken soul
a half-hearted man
a mind in free-fall
a dumb dying animal
too cowardly to drop
to the dust and merge
with oblivion
a leprous life
in exile among
incurious stars
shunned by
callous sun
and careless moon
and exhausted
beyond measure
a half-life
every atom radiating
a numbness of spirit

my lost soul slides
languidly
toward
day’s end

and when my somber sun sets
none shall be the wiser

63 thoughts on ““I am the Coin that Falls Between the Cracks””

    1. Thank you kindly, Friedrich. Another of my moody, brooding pieces, I suppose, but writing them out is better than keeping them inside. I hope springtime is being generous to you, my friend. Here’s wishing a good end-of-week!  😊

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    1. Thank you, Annette. I suppose it’s one of my “purge poems,” where I dig up a lot of frustrating stuff and get it out of my system for a while. Dark imagery, indeed, but it’s therapeutic. I appreciate you, my friend. Thanks for stopping by today. 😊

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    1. Thank you kindly, Leigh Anne. This is one of those pieces I end up writing when I dig through my mind and do some cleaning. Lots of sadness and feelings of futility, but it always feels good to get this stuff down on paper or screen. It’s cathartic. 

      Thanks so much for your nice comment and for stopping by. I appreciate it. 😊

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    1. Kindest thanks, Jane. Yep, this one is pretty dark. A spring-cleaning of the mind, perhaps? Depression leaves a lot of nasty residue in one’s mind, and it’s good to do some scrubbing now and then, hence this poem.

      It’s always a delight to see you drop by for a visit, my friend. Here’s wishing you a good weekend ahead. 😊

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    1. Thanks so much, Layla. Oftentimes I feel like an old dusty nickel that’s fallen through a crack in the floorboards and lost forever, or perhaps slipped between the sofa cushions and lost in oblivion (although that would make for a weird poem title!). I find I need to clean house now and then, reduce the clutter in my mind, and it always results in this sort of self-loathing poetry. It’s therapeutic to write it down, however, even though it’s dark stuff.

      Thanks as always for your kindness, my friend. I truly value you insights and your poetic talents. It’s always good to see you stop by to say hello. 😊

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    1. Thanks a bunch, Peggy. These dark, depressing poems o’ mine… I enjoy writing them (always loved dark imagery dating back to my childhood love of monster movies, etc.) and this imagery just comes to mind easily, particularly when writing about my overall sense of hopelessness. It’s good to “shake the rug” now and then to get the dust out, you know? 

      I really appreciate your constant support, my dear friend. You have such wonderful things to say even when I write the darkest poetry. That means so much to me, and I thank you for this gift. Truly grateful that you’ve stopped by today to say hello! 😊

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  9. Ironically, just this morning I was at a convenience store buying a newspaper and I saw a dime which had fallen far behind the display. I gave it “new life” by retrieving it and putting it in a charity donation box the store had on the counter. May all the coins that land in obscure places eventually find their worth. Great one, Mike!

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    1. Hey, Bruce. What a cool experience you had with the forgotten dime! And your statement, “May all the coins that land in obscure places eventually find their worth” is absolutely loaded with deep meaning and compassion. Everyone has value, every life is worth something. It’s just hard for some of us to see that value when we look in the mirror. 

      I appreciate your keen insights, my friend. Thanks as always for stopping by to read and comment. Truly grateful for you, good sir! 😊

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  10. Oh my, as I kept reading, I felt my mood plummet and my heart break, Mike. You had me at “I am the Coin that Falls Between the Cracks.” Can your poems become even more profound, more stunning? I think so, and this one is proof. So emotive and heartbreaking, yet, written brilliantly like the brilliant poet that you are. Hugs, my friend ❤️

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    1. Thank you so much, Lauren. Yeah, this is a gloomy one, for sure. I get in these moods where things seem so hopeless, so I write out my frustrations. It helps to sort things out in my head, but the resulting poem is always dark. The last thing I want to do is bring despair to those who read my poetry. My hope has always been the opposite–that perhaps people who are in a similar situation will realize they’re not alone. Just knowing that much can make a positive difference. Also, even the bleakest pieces I write bring about a moment of joy when I’ve completed them. That sensation of creating something new is healing.

      I appreciate your thoughtfulness and kindness, my friend. I’m always delighted to see you here. You’re a ray of sunshine. Thanks for being here.  😊🌈🌞

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      1. I think what I meant to say is that I could feel the emotions from beginning to end. But I can understand how writing them all down would be healing. I have felt the same in my poetry. So, I hope my comment wasn’t too gloomy. 🙂
        Cheers to sunshine, Mike! It’s gray here again and rain is on its way. 🤗🥰☀️😎

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  12. The sub-aural hum of power lines. The mote-specked silence of barn lofts. Fallen from the cabinets of my heart… Your imagery consistently astounds me, and the title holds an immense presence on its own. Beautiful display of feelings. Writing is a true release. Thank you for sharing, Mike. 🙂

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    1. Thanks, Kirsten. You know me–I love strong imagery. It helps me express some intense emotions when I write. I still recall those humming power lines at the farm in my childhood. The sound was so eerie and alien. I haven’t heard that sound (or much else) for many years now, but it’s funny how certain memories linger. 

      I appreciate you, my friend. Thanks as always for gracing my blog with your presence. Have a good upcoming week.  😊

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  15. some spring cleaning for the soul. A lament. A profound piece of writing. I think the title immediately drew me in. These soul excoriating pieces are a Hallmark of your style. They reach into the fragmented emotions that spatter our lives (for they are all relatable) and with an uncanny dexterity you weave these remarkable pieces with such wonderful imagery. Without a doubt you’ve demonstrated your extraordinary skills yet again. I keep rereading certain lines so they will imber themselves in my soul.

    loved this piece, Mikey. 👏👏

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    1. You’re too kind, Nigel. Thanks for your constant support, amigo. Yeah, I suppose by now this type of poetry is my bread-and-butter. ”Write what you know,” you know? I have a fascination with dark imagery, and a lot of dark memories, so this kind of theme is probably the most representative of my writing, for better or worse. Still, I experience a brief moment of joy when I finish a piece, no matter how dark it is. I guess that’s a little bit of healing happening, and I welcome it. I gladly accept the mantle of “Depressing Poetry Dude.” 😄 Writing is therapeutic. This sort of writing helps me deal with stuff. 

      Your support is so important to me, my friend. Thanks for always “getting” what I write. It means a lot to me. Have a good week ahead (and get some rest, too!). 😊🙏

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      1. Everyone loves a good sad love song. And everyone loves a poet who can tap into those painful depressed memories on behalf of everyone else. Depressing poetry Dude lol.. that’s not the title. Your poetry isn’t depressing. It’s quite eviscerating, soul exposing. It leaves one feeling naked, yet understood. Like, finally someone who gets me. Freeing the reader.
        And yeah bro..writing is therapeutic. Liberation Poetry, in the style of Mike U, gets beneath the surface…behind the mask. 👏👏

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  16. wow, I almost don’t know what to say to this piece Mike but you truly captured the essence of life when all is dim and fragile and we’re not sure how we can get out. Captivating with dark truths that so many experience … I think we all have. Superb writing💕

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    1. Kindest thanks, Cindy, my friend. Yep. unfortunately we all experience the dark night of the soul. The details may differ from person to person, but we all know that feeling of abject hopelessness now and then. My hope is that those who read my poetry will understand they’re not alone in their sorrow. That alone can provide a little hope. 

      I appreciate you, dear friend, and I thank you for stopping by to say hi. 😊

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  17. Ellie Carpenter's avatar Ellie Thompson

    Dearest Mike, your poem brought tears to my eyes. I felt every word of emotion that you’ve beautifully expressed in the way you always do. This is a wonderful, although heartbreaking, piece of writing, Mike, written in only the way that you can write. I hope you can see your talent, also, amongst so much terrible sadness and the feeling of being the coin that fell between the cracks. What a perfect expression to describe the pain and agony you feel. Having been in a similar place to this, I do understand the feelings you write so eloquently about. If I could, I would be there to hold your hand and share the love in my heart with you and for you. Sending you loving, healing wishes, dear friend, Ellie Xxx 💙

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    1. Thank you so much, Ellie. Your kindness means a lot to me. Just sorting out some stuff in my head when I wrote this one. I actually enjoy writing dark poetry. It harkens back to my youth as a fan of monster and horror movies. So, the dark imagery and themes come easily for me, and they lend themselves so smoothly to writing about hopelessness and despair. 

      Thank you for the nice compliments, too. I truly appreciate it. You’re a wonderful person, my friend, and I hope you’re doing well. I know things have been rough lately, and I’m sending you lots of hope and peace and strength from very-much-springtime-now Colorado. 😊

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      1. Ellie Carpenter's avatar Ellie Thompson

        Thank you for your kind words to me, dear Mike. I often write as I’m sorting stuff out in my head, too. It sort of comes naturally, really.

        I have to say I’ve never watched horror or suspense movies, as they scare the wits out of me!

        Thank you for being so kind and supportive of me. It means a lot to me. I’m okay; just sorting stuff out in my own head, too. I’m coping better now, though, thanks to all the support I get from my dear friends here on WordPress.

        I’m glad you’re in springtime now, always cheery. We’ve had a lovely few bright and sunny days, but today, we have torrential rain and very high winds. I have a doctor’s appointment soon and I’m probably in for a drenching. Yuck! Love from a very wet Essex. Xx 💜

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    2. Thanks, Ellie, for your kind words. Here’s hoping your doctor’s appointment goes well and that you don’t get too thoroughly drenched! Always glad to see you stop by, dear friend. I’m a bit behind in visiting others’ blogs at the moment but will pop over to yours and leave a few words soon. 😊☂

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      1. Ellie Carpenter's avatar Ellie Thompson

        Good morning/night, Mike. My doctor’s appointment went okay, thank you. What’s more, I just managed to dodge the torrential rain and hail. The high winds were a bit of a challenge for Alfie, my wheelchair, and I got buffetted from side to side. Please, don’t worry about being behind with my blog. I’m always behind of everybody’s blogs. Life is so busy these days, so I totally understand, dear friend. Don’t worry X 😊💕

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    1. Many thanks, Mitch. Yes, isolation can be soul-crushing at times. Sometimes the only way to settle those feelings is to write about them, regardless of how dark the poem turns out to be. I appreciate your kind words, my friend. Thanks for stopping by to say hello. 😊🙏

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  19. Bear witness to your state of mind
    and in the cracks I hope you find
    All you seek you have within
    in this moment you begin
    To realize
    you hold the prize
    Gifts are granted to awaken
    What you’ve lost was never taken
    But wasn’t needed
    For you’re star seeded
    And your senses are beyond
    The universe of this small pond

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    1. Hey, Melissa. I really like this. Thanks so much for your keen insights and your poetic magic. You’ve created a really profound poem, and I feel blessed that you shared it here. I appreciate you, my friend! Have a good week ahead. 😊

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    1. Many thanks. It’s a bit of a therapeutic spring-cleaning of my mind, I guess you could say. Organizing cluttered thoughts and putting things in order. I appreciate you and your kind words, my friend. Thanks as always for stopping by to say hello. 😊

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    1. Thanks so much, Selma, my friend. I’m pleased to know this one spoke to you.. It’s always a pleasure to see you visit, and I appreciate your kindness so much. 😊

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    1. Thank you so much. This is so kind of you. I suppose I was in one of my shaking-my-fists-at-the-heavens moods when I wrote this one. Life is exhausting sometimes, and we seem powerless to do anything about it, and, for me, I just want to hide for a while, you know? I’m truly grateful for your nice comment. Thanks for stopping by. 😊

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