“My Jade Remembrance”
(c) 2019 by Michael L. Utley
I used to know you
9,000 tears ago
A tear for every mile
That kept me from you
A tear for every moment
Not spent with you
A tear for every hope
Not shared with you
9,000 tears
A jade remembrance
For my brown-eyed love
A dusky green heart
On a silver chain
I keep in my pocket
It was for you
Everything was for you
Everything I had
Everything gone except
My jade remembrance
You were already dead
Before I ever met you
Your path etched in stone
I was just a detour
A distraction on your way
Into darkness
A temporary reprieve
An unplanned respite
For the lost girl
The girl who would learn to fly
Or die trying
And I was the lost boy
The boy who had
Never seen the sun
Until I saw you
The boy whose shattered heart
Had one last beat for you
A final crescendo for my
Brown-eyed love
I couldn’t fix you
You weren’t broken
You were destroyed
Crushed by the weight of
Damnation
Hounded by demons
Unknown to me
Yet you smiled at me
And pulled me from
My own abyss
And I loved you
My jade remembrance
Are you still there
Did you close your eyes
And take that leap of faith
Did you learn to fly
Or did you die trying
You didn’t just take your life
You took mine too
I keep your heart in my pocket
On a silver chain
(for Lizzy)
Silent Pariah 
Some bits of this remind me of Pablo Neruda – especially the third stanza
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I’ve read a bit of Neruda’s work. He’s definitely on my list of poets I need to explore in greater depth. In this piece, the insidious nature of major depression had pretty much decided the trajectory of the girl’s path and there was little anyone could do to alter it. It’s that utterly helpless feeling of seeing someone you love heading into darkness and knowing you’re powerless to save her.
Thank you for reading and for your kind words. Much appreciated.
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