“Shinrin-yoku”

“Shinrin-yoku”
(c) 2021 by Michael L. Utley

I have bathed in forest’s em’rald essence
I have nestled, secreted away, in
Jade konara copse
I have placed my palms
Soft upon the scabrous skin of giants
Whose slowly beating hearts have shattered stone
Whose deeply delving fingers grip the earth
In lover’s embrace
Eternity is far too brief a time
For such a love as this, for such a love
Trees have for the earth
I have for the trees

Gazing skyward at my green universe
Amid kisses from ubiquitous night
Which fall like star-flakes
Through the canopy
I sense the unheard language of the trees
A faint susurrus welcoming me home
A shush of contemplation on the breeze
Voices of the trees
Quietude enfolds me as, eyes closed, I
Breathe the conversation of konara
Listen with my heart
To all that matters

The living scent of moss and loam, absorbed
Through every pore, a heady, arcane brew
Inebriating
Lulling, as the moon
Lets down her hair and deigns to coyly peek
Through silver-gilded burled boughs and leaves
And shyly paints moon-dapples on the ground
And the trees, amused
Approve with bowing branch and shaking leaf
As midnight sighs and winds begin to waft
Shadows blanket me
As I drift to sleep

And in my dreams I see konara copse
As though I were a bird in winging flight
Illumined by the
Golden summer sun
A living, breathing testament to life
A vibrant beating heart in tune with earth
A mother who gives birth to all that lives
Oh, mamori tai
I will protect you, my konara copse
For you have given me the gift of life
And I owe you a
Debt I must repay

“A Few Haiku (16)”

(c) 2021 by Michael L. Utley

(#91)

How can hope survive
Solitary kitchen chair
And the empty bed

…..

(#92)

These old feet are numb
Memories are bitter cold
I must watch my step

…..

(#93)

I sought from the fox
Wisdom; he gave me instead
A flash of his tail

…..

(#94)

Breeze in bamboo grove
Sake choko clattering
Empty memories

…..

(#95)

Who has spilled the sky
Into the pond? Sunset fire
Burns lotus blossoms

…..

(#96)

Once, in the forest
Autumn taught me of sorrow
What will winter bring

“A Tanka Trio (9)

(c) 2021 by Michael L. Utley

(#25)

Old stones squander heat
In the fire pit at night
After flames have died
Wrapped in fading embers’ arms
Love succumbs to apathy

…..

(#26)

I pick up the eggs
Fallen from a sparrow’s nest
Observing the cracks
There is silence as the earth
Contemplates what might have been

…..

(#27)

In the summer lea
Fluted vessels spill their mead
Amid buzzing drones
Yellowjackets drink their fill
Humming raucous tavern tunes

“I Cannot Ask the Mountain…”

“I Cannot Ask the Mountain…”
(c) 2021 by Michael L. Utley

I cannot ask the mountain
To carry my burden
For it shoulders the
The cumbrous glacier
The forsaken tor
The desolate scree slope
It weeps already
At its heavy load
Remorseful streams
Of alpine tears
Flow into tarns of regret
Secret cirques of sorrow
Hidden in its granite heart

I cannot ask the forest
To assuage my fears
For it attends to
The capricious breeze
Gathers thoughtless birds
To empty nests
Shepherds hind and hart
To twilight copses
Shelters hares among
Sword fern shadows
Its vigilant whisper
An exhausted sigh
I must let it sleep

I cannot ask the meadow
To save my soul
For it is laid to rest
Its cacophony
Of summer essence
Drained of hue and humor
Unkempt autumnal whiskers
Of dried grasses and weeds
All that remain on its
Forgotten countenance
It has no voice left
To perform last rites
For a dying world
No solemn hymns
Drift from dusty lea
To offer salvation

I cannot ask the sky
To forgive my sins
For it cares not
The callous sun
The fickle moon
The incurious stars
Time itself
Oblivious to all
They are occupied
With eternity
Not the pedestrian pain
Of one lost soul
Standing on the edge
Of a clearing
On a random
Autumn evening
Watching the universe
Spin silently overhead
Through burning tears

“Hana no Niwa (Garden of Flowers)”

“Hana no Niwa (Garden of Flowers)”
(c) 2021 by Michael L. Utley

In the restless nights
In the small flower garden
Spider lilies weep
Mournful beneath midnight moon
Dreaming higanbana dreams

They cry in silence
Do they know for whom they grieve
Do they remember
It was you who planted them
It was you who gave them life

They are not alone
In the soil of memories
In their moonlit tears
In my hana no niwa
In my place of remembrance

Magenta sweet peas
Bow their heads and bid farewell
To the one whose hands
Long-fingered and delicate
Caressed suitopi blooms

When the frost has come
Ivory chrysanthemums
Lay to rest your name
In autumnal kiku tombs
In dark chambers of my heart

In the pallid glow
Of tsuki and winter stars
Camellias die
Shed their crimson petals in
Snowy tsubaki lament

In the spring voices
Of sakura sing of you
Cherry blossoms mark
Your fleeting days in the sun
When skies were forever blue

In opposing climes
Doleful daffodils remain
Solemn sunflowers
Suisen, himawari
Pay respects with humble hearts

There’s a hidden place
In my hana no niwa
In my broken heart
Where my love for you still grows
Flowers bloom eternally

You are always there
Kneeling in the fertile loam
Under summer sun
Tending our flower garden
Where skies are forever blue

“A Few Haiku (15)”

(c) 2021 by Michael L. Utley

(#85)

Fruit rots on the ground
In unattended orchard
Our love slowly dies

…..

(#86)

I plant hopes and dreams
In the fertile soil but I
Still must pray for rain

…..

(#87)

Sly kitsune slinks
Among magenta kiku
Shrewd white-tip-tailed imp

…..

(#88)

Thirsty tamarisk
In its drunken reveling
Drains oasis dry

…..

(#89)

Let the bitter plum
Remind you to cherish the
Sweetness of the pear

…..

(#90)

Those old stars above
Whisper of antiquity
And enduring hope

“A Few Haiku (14)”

(c) 2021 by Michael L. Utley

(#79)

Under darkened skies
Of depression even my
Shadow flees from me

…..

(#80)

Light devoid of warmth
Casts the moon as villainous
Skulking through the trees

…..

(#81)

Myths of ancient days
Etched in runes on ruined wood
Worm trails on old trees

…..

(#82)

Those cicadas know
What lies ahead is better
Than what’s left behind

…..

(#83)

Desiccated husks
Of bad memories remain
Rattle restlessly

…..

(#84)

Memories of lilac
Wild rose and hollyhock
Melancholy prose

“A Few Haiku (13)”

(c) 2021 by Michael L. Utley

(#73)

Those who lost their way
In Aokigahara
Must be remembered

…..

(#74)

In the sea of trees
Koto and shamisen play
Sorrowful dirges

…..

(#75)

When the mist is thick
I can’t see the whip-poor-wills
Calling out to me

…..

(#76)

The cold moon sails on
A black sea of bitter stars
Wake of cosmic tears

…..

(#77)

Early morning mist
In the green konara copse
Forest holds its breath

…..

(#78)

Autumn has no shame
Strips away the world’s facade
Exposes our sins

“Any Deaf Writers Out There?”

When I began this blog in July 2021, my primary goal at that time was to connect with people experiencing deafness in any of its forms. My counselors had suggested I reach out via blogging since my deafness prevents me from communicating in “normal” ways (in person, phone, etc.). I’ve always loved writing and in my younger days had actively submitted short fiction to publishers (and racked up rejection slips along the way). Certainly a blog could combine my love of writing with my need and desire to connect with other deaf people, I thought. So, I made the leap to WordPress.

My blog languished in the shadows for two months, virtually invisible. I plugged away at writing essays about my deaf experiences that no one wanted to read and dutifully checked my stats page every day. (What stats? They’re weren’t any to track.) My initial excitement over beginning my blog project began to wane and I found myself dreading to check my blog each day, knowing nothing had changed and not knowing what to do about it.

Finally, in late September, I came to the proverbial crossroads: my blog was going nowhere, so I could either abandon it, or try posting some of my poetry I’d had sitting around for years. What did I have to lose, I thought. No one would read it anyway.

So I posted some poetry, and views began to trickle in, with an occasional like. It was exciting to see activity after two months of silence. Now and then, a rare comment would appear, and the sensation of making a connection with someone else was both startling and welcome. And the more I posted my poetry, the more things picked up. I found the WordPress community to be the kind of place I’d always wanted to experience: a group of like-minded people sharing their hearts and souls through writing, and supporting and encouraging one another. It struck me how serendipitous this journey had become: I’d started out looking for fellow deaf people, but had found fellow writers instead. My deaf blog had switched gears and become a poetry blog, and I was seeing some progress, albeit in baby steps.

Now, perhaps I’m greedy, but I still want to find other deaf people. I need this to help me in my journey along my road to deaf acceptance. So, I’m sending out an invitation to anyone in the WordPress community who is deaf to any degree and who shares a love of writing to make yourselves known. I’d like to hear from you and have the best of both worlds by getting to know other deaf writers. I want to read about your own journeys with deafness and writing. I want to hear about how you cope with deafness, how it affects or defines your lives, if you consider it a blessing or a curse, if it has changed you as a person, if you struggle with it daily like I do or if you’ve come to accept it as part of who you are. I’m also interested in how deafness has affected your writing in terms of both style and subject matter.

It’s my personal experience that deafness is extremely socially isolating. That’s my reality. I know no other deaf or hard-of-hearing people. I don’t know sign language. My area is too rural to offer much of anything regarding deaf support services. I just want to meet other deaf writers and share our experiences and learn from them.

If you’re interested, leave a comment or use my Contact page to connect. I’d love to hear from you. My deaf essays can be found in the Essays section of my blog in case anyone cares to explore them.

Finally, thank you, WordPress community. Your kindness is appreciated. You’ve all been a bright light in what has been an otherwise dark period for me.

“A Tanka Trio (8)”

(c) 2021 by Michael L. Utley

(#22)

Propaganda, lies
And conspiracy theories
Are killing people
Your rights end where mine begin
Wear a mask and vaccinate

…..

(#23)

Lone bristlecone pine
Bears the scars of lightning strikes
But has not succumbed
Wise old man on mountainside
Wizened by millennia

…..

(#24)

Will the earth miss us
After we have killed ourselves
Earth will carry on
Healing slowly over time
Once human virus is purged