“Fade”
(c) 2021 by Michael L. Utley
Dusk has fallen as
Stars scream heavenward and doves
Murmur mournfully
Evening-song has come and I
Cannot hear day’s parting cry
Night blooms above as
Insects whisper mysteries
And wolves share solemn
Oaths on phantom breeze and I
Cannot hear dark’s somber sigh
Dawn symphony births
Strident morning melody
As birds wake the sun
And earth speaks to me and I
Cannot hear the singing sky
I have lost so much
My earth my sky autumn odes
Winter dirges spring
Soliloquies summer chants
Fading in silent echoes
And I
Cannot bear to hear them die
Silent Pariah 
Wow Mike. This is a beautiful piece. I aspire to write like this one day… truly. Your words have a powerful resonance all on their own that is hard to achieve. Great job at conveying these dark emotions through nature’s creatures!
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Thanks so much for the kind words. I’m just now beginning to write poetry about my deafness, which I’ve never come to fully accept as part of my life. Hopefully this will help me see that being deaf doesn’t diminish me as a human being, but is simply another facet of my existence. I truly appreciate your supportive comment. 🙂
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If you don’t mind me asking, did you loose your hearing as you got older? Because the way you’ve written this poem, it sounds like you’re very much missing what used to be. And by the way I love every word. It’s a very moving piece… heartbreaking but beautifully written. ❤️
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Thanks for your kind words, Michelle. It means a lot to me. 🙂 As for my deafness, I had normal hearing until age 18, when I came down with meningitis. That was the beginning of the end for my hearing. It’s been a steadily progressive loss since then, and while I can still hear some sounds, I have so much difficulty understanding speech that I’ve become socially isolated and rarely venture out in public. I’ve written about my deaf journey here on my blog in a series of essays. It’s sort of funny–I began this blog as a means of trying to connect with other deaf people, but after two months of virtually no success, I started publishing my poetry. It’s been a serendipitous turn of events as I’ve slowly been able to start making connections with other writers. I still plan on writing more about my deaf journey, but right now I’m really enjoying the community of poets I’ve sort of stumbled upon here on WordPress. I can’t complain. I’m writing again, and that’s important, and folks have been genuinely kind and welcoming. 🙂
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That must be incredibly frustrating to adapt to. I have Ménière’s disease, so this could be my fate someday too. Right now, it’s still not too bad. But occasionally with a lot of background noise, I have a little bit of a problem. But then again, who doesn’t when that’s the case. Lol… I’m so glad you and I have stumbled upon each other. The poets here on WP are like family to me and I’ve made some really great friends over the years. I’m looking forward to reading more of your posts. I signed up for instant notifications from your blog today, but sometimes that doesn’t always work. So I’ll try to check back on occasion and make sure I haven’t missed anything. I hope your week is going well. Keep on writing… 😉
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Thanks, Michelle. I’m glad we’ve bumped into each other, too. I’m not well-versed on Meniere’s Disease, but from what I understand, the vertigo aspect can be debilitating at times. And you’re right–background noise is among the worst obstacles for those with hearing loss to experience. Even (and especially) with my severe hearing loss, I still must avoid noisy locales that cause so much difficulty while trying to cobble together whatever sounds I can while lip-reading. My “cocktail party effect” went south decades ago. Thanks for taking an interest in my writing, and I look forward to reading more of your work, too. See you later! 🙂
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Yeah the vertigo part is so weird. Sometimes it’ll look like the path in front of me is twisting, when it’s actually me falling over. I’m just glad the episodes are few and far between.
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I’m really sorry to hear about the vertigo. I’ve had only two incidents of vertigo (years ago) and luckily they lasted only a few moments. One occurred while I was driving on I-84 along the Columbia River Gorge near Portland, OR. That was scary. Totally unrelated to my deafness, however. Is there any form of effective treatment for what you experience?
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Oh that’s scary…I always worry that will happen to me, but fortunately I’ve never had it happen while driving. To my knowledge there is no treatment, but fortunately it doesn’t happen very often. Usually after it does, I have bouts of dizziness for a long time after. That’s the most annoying part because then I feel nauseous as well. I think it’s been about a year now since it last happened. I would say on average, I only have one bad episode every year.
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I’m glad to hear it’s not too frequent for you. That would be difficult to handle. I had a weird stretch of serious dizziness that began during PTSD treatment three years ago and lasted about a year and a half. No physical explanation for it so it was likely a somatic response to the treatment (EMDR). I still have some residual dizziness now but man, it was quite bad for several months. Nothing like vertigo, though.
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But hopefully you’re feeling better now?
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Doing better, but now and then there’s a sense of instability rather than dizziness, if that makes any sense. Walking any moderate to significant distance requires the use of a cane for stability (man, does that make me feel old) but I do my best. Gotta play with the cards I’m dealt, I suppose. 🙂
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That does make sense and I know how that can be. But inside you’re only as old as you feel. In my mind I’m still 16. My body however doesn’t always agree. Lol… 😆
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Oh, I know–I still think I’m about 20 or so! For birthdays, I’ve taken to adding the digits in my age to determine my “true age.” So, according to my highly scientific calculations, I’m 12 years old and will turn 13 in January. 😀
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Oh, if I did that, I’d be 13 right now. But next February I’d only be 5. Lol… 😃
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Hi Mike, this piece is really moving. I have just started following you, as Mike S has somehow linked us up! I too am going deaf but not as bad as you, as you describe in your ‘about’. I look forward to becoming acquainted with you through haiku/kokku and other verses! 🙋♂️
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Hi, Ashley. Thanks for your kind words. Much appreciated. Also, thanks for sharing with regards to your deafness. I originally began this blog as as a means of locating and getting to know other deaf folks, then it sort of shifted gears and became a poetry blog. I’m especially interested in hearing from deaf writers to learn how they navigate in a world which too often marginalizes people like us. I’m looking forward to reading more of your writing. 🙂
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